Sometimes I’ve wondered where all the products that no one buys end up. Well, now I know. The Village Vanguard is Japan’s answer to Spencer’s Gifts. Some are so willing to get a piece of exotic consumer culture that they will buy $hit that even an American wouldn’t be caught dead with. Take care for instance, the Hollywood Hogan Bashin’ Brawler. Now in the mid ‘90s, this was a hot product. But of course like any trend, too many were produced, and they flooded local Big Lots or any other “crap we can’t get rid of” store. Well, if you’ve had a change of heart and you’re ready to bashin’ brawl brother, you’re just 3990 yen ($40) away! NWO 4 Life!
A blast from the past that I wasn`t ready for.
Now say hello to the American stereotype baby pacifier. At first I thought this was the Japanese mocking us, but when I saw only English on the package and the trademark ‘As Seen on TV’ logo, I stood corrected. There are football pacifers and even camouflage pacifiers for the hunter and soldier within your baby. But what Japanese parent follows football? These are products merely for novelty, and I guess it’s as asinine as people who get kanji tattoos when they have never studied an Asian language in their life. I suppose ignorance is a vital aspect of consumer culture across the globe.
This product lessens the chance of your son turning gay.
The one that took the cake though was the McDonald’s happy meal toys. Once again, the package was only in English. Yes folks, you can buy a Disney’s Stitch McDonald Happy Meal toy. I honestly find this to be both cool and a rip-off all in the same purchase.
The Village Vanguard happens to be infatuated with American Pop Culture. In fact, it’s probably one of the only places to find Spiderman. Of course Winnie the Pooh, Tom and Jery, and Snoopy are well represented, but there’s also a random outpouring of obscure American pop characters.
If I was only into wasting money...these bastards would be coming home with me.
Now, if you’ve ever gone into Spencer’s, then you know the feeling when your eyes explode at the sight of a ridiculously sexual and just useless product. But folks, the Village Vanguard is a Japanese store, meaning their products need to be useful, and boy are they ever.
Look again…those ‘boobies’ are not for wearing. Instead they are for providing a sensual shower experience.