Saturday, April 10, 2010

Halting the Hydration

I'm not sure how your eyes keep busy when using the bathroom. Mine watch the flow. I want to know if I'm  hyrdated. Today, while spraying within the comfort of the urinal, I noticed a golden current. "Oh no," I thought, "we need to remedy this!"

I powerwalked my way back to the office and quickly filled my water bottle. I had no time to pound the H20 as I had to meet a teacher downstairs. So I brought my bottle with me. Together we made out as I strutted the hallway saying "What's up?" to the dismissed students. My jittering hands had something to keep me busy and I was solving 'Crisis Yellow.' Damn was I cool. But someone disagreed.

One of my eccentric 3rd year students, immediately shoved her soapy hands in my face. "NO!" she shouted. Pointing to the bottle, I realized I had broken a social behavior code. Then with an absurd mixture of Japanese, English, Sign-Language, and caveman grunts, I was bestowed a proper Japanese culture lesson.

I knew the Japanese refrained from eating on the go, but with all of the beverage vending machines, I wasn't aware drinking and walking was taboo. It appears Project Hydrate will be scaled back to office based operations. While my career as a 'mobile hydrater' may have spanned all of 3 minutes, I am proud of my success, and greatly appreciate the kind words from that だいたんふてき (daring, brave) student.
Let it be known no one is more honest than a child. Especially, a weird adolescent girl. Sadly, society brushes off their opinions as trite fodder. Though Shakespeare taught me to value the 'fool,' and to take everything in earnest.

Drink responsibly!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

From Okinawa With Tax

What's in the bag?

     Walking the aisles of my friendly Japan super markets I often think, "I've never seen that before." Today, strolling past torii-themed displays thoughts of "I've REALLY never seen that before" brought me to a halt. I knew my wallet was a dead man.
     There must have been six kiosks full of "exotic" fare. Lost in a world of kanji, I searched for a familiar friend.
     "Where are you? Come out, come out wherever you are!" Presto, there he was, English! 'Okinawa,' was conveniently written on some of the packages. "All this crap is from Okinawa?" Then I recalled Japan's edible omiyage (souvenir) obsession.
     One could hit-up these displays and fake a trip to Japan's tropical islands. Simply pickup some goodies and hand them to a co-worker bragging about your vacation that NEVER happened. Or if Okinawa is in your future, stock up now to spare your luggage the burden.

Purchases from Okinawa
(by way of Aomori)

     I couldn't pass up the 'Are These Muffins' Muffins. I'm also a sucker for bizarre chocolate, which made the purple potato Kit-Kats impossible to ignore. Next came Pineapple and Shikuwasa (lime) hi-chew, followed by purple potato caramel and some soft pineapple candies. Things got pricey with 450 yen caramel boxes of Mango and Kokutou (Okinawa's traditional brown sugar). Though with only 14 pieces each, these caramels didn't disapoint. While the rest of the candy just tasted 'different.' Probably as a result of me sporting fewer taste buds than a corpse.
     Then I lawfully abided by the Girlfriend Act of 200 BC. Whenever buying something, a minimum of 25% of that said purchase must be set aside for the lovely lady. So I tossed in a bag of fruity gooey thingies.
     These edibles are intriguing and if you ever happen to be in Okinawa or a grocery store that pretends it is, say a prayer for your wallet.

The Flyer
Episode 1
The Phantom Chanpuru

The Flyer
Episode 2
Attack of the Fruits

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Englishanese: Round 16

Guest Starring: The Crave

Seriously Africa get with the program.

It should read "I skipped beauty"

It's true

Elton John Clothing Company