Englishanese: Round 10

Beer Shampoo

I can't think of a better place for some suds.

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MARIMOKKORI DRINK

Who doesn't want to slurp down apple juice from the famed character who forever sports an erection.

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Black Love Incense

In a society filled with Japanese people, who is this product being marketed to?

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F Cup Cookie
A cookie a day, keeps the tissues in my bra away. When I bought this, my girlfriend wondered if it was for her.

Time to Shine

The Mid Year Seminar is a collaborative conference between Aomori-Ken assistant language teachers and their corresponding Japanese Teachers of English. Guest speakers, workshops, snack food, and bored doodling comprises most of the festivities. Though, on Friday, November 21st, yours truly had time to shine.

Each year, one ALT must showcase their teaching in a class demonstration. Rather than chose a 2nd or 3rd year high school ALT, I was involuntarily given the nod. This equates to over 60 educators watching me teach a 50-minute lesson to one of the 1-nensei (first year/10th grade) classes. But, instead of projecting negativity at the ensuing pressure I used the platform as an opportunity. One to showcase all things Crave!

Cravak Sensei

Reviewing the word wall results.

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Group Work

Students attempt not to fall asleep while engaging in a travel-themed conversation game.

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Making the Rounds

Pretending to add to their discussion, I place myself on display.

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Big Brother

Students are under the watchful gaze of half-interested observers.

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Post Discussion

Eventually I had to shutup to allow others to speak.

A TRAVELING SALESMAN

While America continues to rock the anti-soliticing movement, Japan embraces it. Apparently, the education world we are in the middle of book ordering season. I gotta a tell ya, what a treat. This equates to a flurry of Japanese businessmen and one woman hurriedly scampering around the world politely and persistently wasting everyone`s time with their sales pitch. This one guy bows so much he's gonna get punched in the groin. No doubt.

Basically here's the rundown.

1.) The office door slowly slides open

2.) A suited-up nervous man stands in the doorway

3.) He mutters some incoherent ancient polite phrase

4.) He takes a few steps forward, then turns around, comes back, looks around (this pitter pattering can go on for nearly 30 minutes)

5.) He locates his target and dips into his bag of books

6.) He stands to the side of the desk waiting for the right opportunity to strike

7.) When all is clear he'll say 'Gomenosai / Sumimasen (I'm sorry / Excuse me)' and the most pathetic salesmenship begins

8.) The business card. This takes a minimum of five minutes. For even though the teacher doesn't have time to hear this bullshit they will out of respect closely examine the salesmen's card.

9.) Then they talk in Japanese or some other language I don't understand. These guys seriously look like they have to use the bathroom as they squiggle about and frantically bow while explaining their text materials. Instead of a night on the town, candies, or even a happy ending they simply provide a thunderous supply of sample texts. How productively boring!

10.) Then pretending they're Michael Jackson they moonwalk away from the desk while bowing. Now that is a talent.

11.) They continue the epic moonwalk to the office door, give a polite bow, mutter some jargon and they vanish...until they show up 4 minutes later to attack another teacher.

12.) Ridiculous!

The table next to me is completely covered in sample books. My supervisor even just said, 'I'm a text collector.' I'm thinking we need to have a bonfire soon.

Soliticing = convenience....and if it is wazurawashii (annoying) simply laugh at it!

AROUND THE TOWN: School Bound

The following pictures were taken on Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 at 7:35am while enduring my arduous 500 foot journey to work. Enjoy?

this is a building...I sleep here

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on my way


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getting close


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March of the Students


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arrived: my place of employment

Patience is a Virtue

Howdy! As I spent the last three weeks invading South East Asia, the regularity of the posts have gone extinct. Though while most of my time will be spent producing a DVD of my trip, look for future entries within the next couple of weeks. Take care, and god bless!

- Crave

Clay Aching

“But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”

- The Bible

Exploring the pottery haven that is Ryoji Matsumiya's 'Tsugaru Kanayama Pottery COOP,' Crave 'n' friends dabbled in their muddy ways.

GABE KNOWS CLAY



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SACHI DOES NOT

: )

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A for effort

So I failed

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Pot Convention

Overall, the locals and gaijin (foreignors) banded together to produce some useful earthy art.

Money Well Spent

I'm not going to lie, I certainly do a kick job as an Assistant Language Teacher for the JET Program. But sometimes I just can't help but feel we are overpaid. Please see below for an example of how I spend my time at the office:

MAGNET EARRINGS!

I discovered that the chalkboard magnets were strong enough to double as nifty earrings. I then spent the remainder of the day modeling them. Puzzled looks surfaced.

Spruce It Up

"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."

~ Peg Bracken (whoever that is)

I've had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful characters over the past 27 years. But I must say that a little bunch known as the Rokkoshites take the cake. A conglomerate of open minded, energetic, creative, but most importantly loving souls, I am honored to call them my friends. As some of us were preparing to leave "Unthanksgiving," we were told to wait. Hesitant, I was curious to what these awesomers had cooked up. Well dig up is more like it as they presented a wonderful little Christmas spruce tree to each of us. Talk about a pretty parting plant. Special thanks go to Gabriel, Matthew, Eunjin, Jono, Wendy, and whoever else was involved in the epic endeavour. Thank you!

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Spruce Springsteen
Say hello to the newest member of the Cravak Consulate.


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The ladies love their natural needles.

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Tree Hugger
Maribel embraces her "sexy sexy" Petrova.

Another Day in the Life

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

It’s a quarter past seven and I somehow manage to rise from the mattress I dragged from the bedroom and placed in front of the gas heater.

The morning shuffle concludes and it’s off to work. Someone must have returned from a trip as there is omiyage (souvenir) in the form of a shrimp flavored cookie on my desk.

I realize it’s going to be an unusually busy day at work so I plow into. I don’t even pretend to pay attention during the 10th grade teachers meeting.

I teach a Christmas lesson geared towards enhancing the students’ oral communication skills. I noticed a couple of girls smirking the second I mentioned the word oral. Consequently, I decide to adlib and added a few sentences featuring the coveted innuendo word.

I spend the next few hours grading homework and revamping the next lesson since it tanked yesterday.

For lunch I decide to take a trip to the local grocery store to compliment my peanut butter jelly sandwich. I pickup some deliciously sweet tofu rice thingy, some tiny pieces of fried chicken, some yakisoba noodles, a bottle of Afternoon Tea, and of course some of my much needed Energy Gym.

After lunch I teach an ongoing lesson in developing students’ essay writing skills. Then I glue myself to the laptop as I flesh out a sample essay from a gaijin (foreigner) perspective that an English teacher asked me to write for him to use in class. I was asked to help grade 400 midterm exams. Today I decided to knock off 200 of them. In all, mixed in with some Facebook action I don’t end up leaving Aomori Koko until after 6pm.

Luckily, it’s a beautiful day so I decide to bike around town. I start with a scrumptious dinner at McDonalds. While there I make sure to place a call to a beautiful maiden and another to a friend on his birthday. Then in a perverted move after just hanging up the phone with the girlfriend, my eyes are stuck on a high school chick whose skirt appears to be allergic to her legs, and damn with those panty hoses. I can’t help it, I look. She either thinks I’m a scary dude or she’s a fan too. For when she walks past, we catch each other looking back. Before I leave I make sure to snap a photo of Colonel Sanders in full Santa gear.

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Colonel Claus

Then it’s off to the onsen, the relaxing natural hot water spa that I so dearly love. Sure enough the onsen delivers as my perennial muse. After soaking for over an hour I continue a new tradition started by my good friend Gabe whereby I sit at a table and drink me some grape juice. But I need two cans for I have many Children’s Books and story ideas for the “Book of Feste.” I end up sitting there for over an hour. I can’t believe how many old people stroll into that place after 11pm. During this time Miki called to inform me that I had left my boxers in her backseat. Fun times!

I bike over to Don Quixote to pickup some booze. But by the time I leave I end up with a random Christmas gift for my sister, a blue head bank to compliment the Captain Morgan and Smirnoff bottles.

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"Blue"
I figured Spruce Springsteen needed a friend while I'm not home.

I arrive home around midnight. It’s time to get domestic as I do some laundry and tidy up a bit. Finally after preparations are made for tomorrow I retire to sit and type up this blog. Here we are at the end of my day at approximately 1:27am. Unless of course I decide to stay up writing.

Happy Town

While perusing Facebook, I stumbled upon a friend`s candid photos from her illustrious `Drag Show` birthday party. Laughing uncontrollably, my supervisor`s eyes soon invaded the screen. Curious, he asked if Miami was a `gay city. ` Folks, there has never been a better `teachable moment. ` So being a natural, I grabbed a pen and paper and started drawing. A minute later I presented him with a glorious map entitled `Happy Towns,' with the cities of San Francisco, Miami, New Bedford, MA and New York City; where homosexuality is more accepted and present. While we chuckled like bosom buddies, he was genuinely intrigued. I then asked him if he was going to use the map for his next vacation, to which he turned away and hid behind his coffee mug. Cheers, and if you happen to live in a 'Happy Town,' more power to you. Embrace the difference! (something I miss about America)