Desk Friends

When you're 8,821 kilometers (5,481 miles) away from home, it's easy to feel lonely. Especially when everyone you work with speaks a language you can't quite comprehend.
Enter the solution: The Desk Friends!

One of my role models in high school was Mr. 'Marv' Matteson. I relished the assortment of playthings adorning his desk. So naturally, when I inherited an office during my teaching tenure in Florida, I had no choice but to innocently decorate the place. Hulk Hogan, Wolverine, elephants, giant pandas and clown hats flooded the room. These 'toys' certainly made me feel comfortable.

Though, being limited to two suitcases, I was sadly unable to bring my childhood to Japan. But not to worry folks, as I have been recently acquiring an assortment of goodies to make the workplace feel like home. While there are currently only three 'desk friends,' plans are in motion to upgrade the ensemble.

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The Desk
For 7 1/2 hours a day I sit here stalking you on Facebook.


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Ochiai Jr.
Named in honor of my supervisor, this brave soldier is always ready to 'throw down' to protect General Crave's computer. I felt it was important to assert my war-mongering American attitude to my peace loving co-workers. Though, to ease the tension I placed an orange flower atop his gun.


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Kazikame
I picked up this 'Star War's' Salacious Crumb bean bag toy for a mere 105 yen ($1) at Hard Off. Recently he has inspired the character of 'Kazikame' for my upcoming childrens' fantasy book 'GOULD.'

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Mr. Numa

Given my recent studies of mythological creatures, I am drowning in love for the 'Kappa.' Japan's resident demonic water sprite lurks by the 'numa,' an eerie pond, thus the name for this kawaii (cute) little critter. He's a happy addition to my Kappa halloween costume, and if anyone spies mythological creature paraphernalia, please pick it up for me and I'll gladly reimburse your efforts. Thanks in advance!


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Snack Man Cometh

Omiyage (little gift / souvenir) is a must for your co-workers, neighbors, family and friends when returning from a vacation. Though sometimes a random gesture can go a long way into building a positive relationship. And when it comes to receiving, the Japanese prefer nothing more than a tasty snack.

Over the course of the past few weeks the 3-nensei (12th grade) students have been busy applying to their dream college. Part of their application includes English essays, and this is where I come in. One of the 3-nensei English teachers has been 'dropping by' to unload these essays for me to peruse/check/devour/edit/spit-on/revise. Though I must say, I'm happy to read them and guide the students towards not only comprehensive writing but also enjoyable writing. But this extraordinarily kind man must feel that grading these essays is a terrible burden. For each time he arrives, I am bestowed upon with a flurry of snacks. While I don't need such a tasty reward, I must admit, this guy knows snack food! I've enjoyed every morsel he’s delivered. Probably because none of them contained that strange red bean paste. I sure do hope those kids keep writing.

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Tasty Critter
I have no clue what this was, but tasty it was.


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Best Description Ever
My first 'capcake.' Certainly won't be the last.


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Misleading
At first I read this as 'Douche,' and made my way to the ladies room.

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Englishanese: Round 10

Beer Shampoo

I can't think of a better place for some suds.

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MARIMOKKORI DRINK

Who doesn't want to slurp down apple juice from the famed character who forever sports an erection.

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Black Love Incense

In a society filled with Japanese people, who is this product being marketed to?

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F Cup Cookie
A cookie a day, keeps the tissues in my bra away. When I bought this, my girlfriend wondered if it was for her.