Despite the negativity associated with it, drunk driving is one of America’s leading industries. While I’d rather not upset the cash flow in these turbulent economic times, I truly think it’s time the USA reforms its policies on drinking before/while driving. Especially since…umm many innocent people die! Not to mention our fear of drunk driving has created one of the most horrid institutions of self-sacrifice: the designated driver. Seriously, no one should ever have to suffer that fate.
But in Japan, there is someone willing to sacrifice their Friday night to be your DD. Say hello to Daiko (代行) the uber cool taxi service where two drivers show up to your saucy location and drive to wherever your dumb ass has left your car. While one driver remains in the taxi, the other exits the vehicle, takes your keys and DRIVES YOUR CAR HOME FOR YOU!
I was fortunate enough to experience the Daiko magic in the little town of Misawa which just happens to support a thirsty American air force base. Apparently, according to a friend, the Japanese government subsidizes this program thus resulting in the Daiko only costing $10. Talk about a bargain, a.) transport for 4 to our car b.) Designated driving to the apartment. Can’t beat it! The only drawback is that the experience was so earth shattering that is sobered me up.
So a friend and I got to talking and we discussed our “anti-drunk driving policy” for the NEW AMERICA! I think you’ll like it, and if you don’t, well then you’re just a dumb asshole.
1.)ZERO TOLERANCE: Just like Japan, America needs to adopt a system whereby if your blood alcohol registers ANYTHING above 0, you are driving while impaired/intoxicated. If you want to take the risk, then you should be prepared to be busted up, at least financially! : ) I’ve honestly felt this way for quite some time, and I recall one idiot arguing, “well you have to realize that we rely on our cars.” AND YOUR POINT? Stay at home and drink then. Look partying or even a casual drink is a WONDERFUL thing, but it’s still a privilege. If you want to enjoy it, then do it responsibly.
2.)INCREASED FINES: I’m not sure how I ultimately feel about increased “sin taxes” on alcohol, but why not up the fines for drunk driving. Look, save your pity, these people broke the law and put lives in jeopardy, so let them pay through the roof. Sure, I may have “crossed the line” before, but do you see me in handcuffs? Nope. Plus with the 0 tolerance plan in affect, I doubt as many people will dare to take the risk. I for one would not dare risk it. Plus the increased fines could also be used towards providing more adequate public transportation.
3.) DAIKO: Do I need to say more? But to make this happen the government needs to step in and strangle the insurance companies to easily allow for the Daiko drivers to man your vehicle. The name for this service must be called Daiko as an homage to the Japanese who use it and rock it so well. Also, if possible it would be a smooth move to use any left over alcohol tax or drunk driving fines to subsidize the service so that:
a.) It’s affordable
b.) Creates jobs
c.) Eliminates the need to tip. Get rid of that selfishness like NOW!
4.) BREATHALYZER: Every business that sells or serves alcohol, even grocery stores, must have on the premises a working breathalyzer with free use to the public. If possible, have a non-profit company or a government agency manufacture the breathalyzers. What does that equal: JOBS! And please spare me the, “who’s going to pay for it?” Umm, the place selling the alcohol. Look if they can’t afford a breathalyzer then they don’t need to be selling something as fun as a few drinks. If this is a real problem, then I guess we could lower the bar license a tad. I’m open for compromise, permitting it makes sense.
5.) BAR CALLS: Every bar/restaurant serving alcohol must either have a free public phone w/ a directory of all taxi and Daiko services or be willing to call one for you. I’m sure most bars already do this, but we need to make it more readily available, especially for the timid drunks at heart.
6.) EMBRACE ALCOHOL: Make it legal EVERYWHERE in the US to publicly walk around while drinking or intoxicated. But if you still brown-bag your 40, then the police are obligated to high-five you. Put your ill-guided beliefs aside, this is a great idea. First of all it will be easier to spot who shouldn’t be driving, but also it will provide so much free entertainment. Remember, alcohol is not the problem; it’s the losers who hinder the safety of others while under its influence. Perhaps we should even lower the drinking age to 20 or 19. Maybe lower it each year that drunk driving statistics drop considerably. It would be great to see America with the legal drinking age at 5 years old, but handling it responsibly.
So America, or the 8 people who read this, what do you think of this drunken yet sobering plan of action?
CRAVAK IN 2016!