Spruce It Up

"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."

~ Peg Bracken (whoever that is)

I've had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful characters over the past 27 years. But I must say that a little bunch known as the Rokkoshites take the cake. A conglomerate of open minded, energetic, creative, but most importantly loving souls, I am honored to call them my friends. As some of us were preparing to leave "Unthanksgiving," we were told to wait. Hesitant, I was curious to what these awesomers had cooked up. Well dig up is more like it as they presented a wonderful little Christmas spruce tree to each of us. Talk about a pretty parting plant. Special thanks go to Gabriel, Matthew, Eunjin, Jono, Wendy, and whoever else was involved in the epic endeavour. Thank you!

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Spruce Springsteen
Say hello to the newest member of the Cravak Consulate.


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The ladies love their natural needles.

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Tree Hugger
Maribel embraces her "sexy sexy" Petrova.

Another Day in the Life

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

It’s a quarter past seven and I somehow manage to rise from the mattress I dragged from the bedroom and placed in front of the gas heater.

The morning shuffle concludes and it’s off to work. Someone must have returned from a trip as there is omiyage (souvenir) in the form of a shrimp flavored cookie on my desk.

I realize it’s going to be an unusually busy day at work so I plow into. I don’t even pretend to pay attention during the 10th grade teachers meeting.

I teach a Christmas lesson geared towards enhancing the students’ oral communication skills. I noticed a couple of girls smirking the second I mentioned the word oral. Consequently, I decide to adlib and added a few sentences featuring the coveted innuendo word.

I spend the next few hours grading homework and revamping the next lesson since it tanked yesterday.

For lunch I decide to take a trip to the local grocery store to compliment my peanut butter jelly sandwich. I pickup some deliciously sweet tofu rice thingy, some tiny pieces of fried chicken, some yakisoba noodles, a bottle of Afternoon Tea, and of course some of my much needed Energy Gym.

After lunch I teach an ongoing lesson in developing students’ essay writing skills. Then I glue myself to the laptop as I flesh out a sample essay from a gaijin (foreigner) perspective that an English teacher asked me to write for him to use in class. I was asked to help grade 400 midterm exams. Today I decided to knock off 200 of them. In all, mixed in with some Facebook action I don’t end up leaving Aomori Koko until after 6pm.

Luckily, it’s a beautiful day so I decide to bike around town. I start with a scrumptious dinner at McDonalds. While there I make sure to place a call to a beautiful maiden and another to a friend on his birthday. Then in a perverted move after just hanging up the phone with the girlfriend, my eyes are stuck on a high school chick whose skirt appears to be allergic to her legs, and damn with those panty hoses. I can’t help it, I look. She either thinks I’m a scary dude or she’s a fan too. For when she walks past, we catch each other looking back. Before I leave I make sure to snap a photo of Colonel Sanders in full Santa gear.

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Colonel Claus

Then it’s off to the onsen, the relaxing natural hot water spa that I so dearly love. Sure enough the onsen delivers as my perennial muse. After soaking for over an hour I continue a new tradition started by my good friend Gabe whereby I sit at a table and drink me some grape juice. But I need two cans for I have many Children’s Books and story ideas for the “Book of Feste.” I end up sitting there for over an hour. I can’t believe how many old people stroll into that place after 11pm. During this time Miki called to inform me that I had left my boxers in her backseat. Fun times!

I bike over to Don Quixote to pickup some booze. But by the time I leave I end up with a random Christmas gift for my sister, a blue head bank to compliment the Captain Morgan and Smirnoff bottles.

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"Blue"
I figured Spruce Springsteen needed a friend while I'm not home.

I arrive home around midnight. It’s time to get domestic as I do some laundry and tidy up a bit. Finally after preparations are made for tomorrow I retire to sit and type up this blog. Here we are at the end of my day at approximately 1:27am. Unless of course I decide to stay up writing.

Happy Town

While perusing Facebook, I stumbled upon a friend`s candid photos from her illustrious `Drag Show` birthday party. Laughing uncontrollably, my supervisor`s eyes soon invaded the screen. Curious, he asked if Miami was a `gay city. ` Folks, there has never been a better `teachable moment. ` So being a natural, I grabbed a pen and paper and started drawing. A minute later I presented him with a glorious map entitled `Happy Towns,' with the cities of San Francisco, Miami, New Bedford, MA and New York City; where homosexuality is more accepted and present. While we chuckled like bosom buddies, he was genuinely intrigued. I then asked him if he was going to use the map for his next vacation, to which he turned away and hid behind his coffee mug. Cheers, and if you happen to live in a 'Happy Town,' more power to you. Embrace the difference! (something I miss about America)

Stone Cold

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it."

- Michelangelo, the orange Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Mystery Machine of Stone Spotting

While driving along the coast, my beloved compadres from Hirosaki; Wyomia, Lindsay, Mike D, and I spotted an odd community of statues. Mike D, being the illest of drivers, kindly decided to `back that ass up` and reversed us closer towards the stone haven.

This place was unreal. It was like the woodstock of statue gatherings. There was a two-story house/office in the back and the front yard facing the expressway was littered with a variety of stone carvings. While we saw no signs of life, we were pretty sure the owners were hiding in fright at the sight of the rude and scary gaijin (foreigners).

Everything imaginable had been somehow manifested into an epic stone form. Of course being located in Japan, there were the perennial Shinto Gods, the mystical kintama (large testicles) sportin' Tanuki, and hell even Nintendo`s Kirby made an appearance.

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GODZILLA!

Japan`s coveted monster attempts to take a bite out of Crave. Oddly, he is a rare find, and receives more attention in the US then in his birthplace of Japan.

But in addition to the staple acts, there was quite an omoro (strange) bundle of characters. Overall, it was worth the 15-minute look around. If I only had a handful of benjamins, a garden, and the muscles to pick it up, one of these babies would be mine. Verdict: Scultpures in Japan are stone-cold cool!

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Minnie Clubbin` It

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`Let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!`

JOIN THE PARTY

Want to get away?

Challenge everything you have ever felt, thought, or believed while swallowing some rubbery raw octopus. Yes folks you need to put down your coffee, zipper your pants, and apply to the JET Program! But you need to hurry up as applications are due to the Japan Embassy by November 25th. Damn, they surely moved up the date this year.

I applied within a week to of the deadline, so no worries.

Check it out!

Smack That Ass

Make no mistake about it, chalk loves me. In fact, it never leaves me alone. I`ll often walk away from a lesson looking like gay rights activists got ahold of me and sketched rainbows all over my suit.

Today was no different, but somehow the chalk decided to steal a base taking our relationship to the next level. For apparently, there was plenty of pastel dust on my backside. Though, I didn`t realize this until a stranger came knocking.

I was standing in the center of the room speaking while I shuffled through power point slides, when a hand gently descended down my butt.

I can't lie, it's a flattering moment when someone touches your ass. But this was an unwelcome touch, while 39 others watched. Looking behind me I noticed the good sumaritan, a male student. I paused for a second to see if it was a joke. Alas, there were no chuckles. It was extremely nice of him to sacrifice his smooth skin to adopt the chalk from my ass. I still felt uncomfortable though. But I thanked him and carried on with the presentation. But he continued. Apparently, this cat didn't join the union, as he doesn't stop until the job is done.

Looking back though I relish the experience. It's about time we as a people can comfortably wipe foreign particles off each other's vulnerable areas. I guess in a society (Japan) that shuns all things homosexual, it makes it easier for those of the same sex to platonicly 'reach out and touch someone,' without the fear of being wrongly labeled.

Often I walk into classrooms and see boys sitting on one another's lap. They weren't telling each other what they wanted for Christmas. But it wasn't exactly a soap opera scene either. They were just being platonicly friendly. Think of it as Samwise and Frodo on their epic journey to rid the world of that one overpriced ring. Why not? Two guys can be best of or even casual friends without playing with their 'swords' together. While those hobbits did take out their swords, they only did it to penetrate their enemies, not eachother.

Bottomline: It felt weird, but I`d do it all over again.

Special Thanks

Sure my apartment may be leaning on the dingy side...but today it warmed my buns.

Thank you heated toilet seat!

DD For Hire

Despite the negativity associated with it, drunk driving is one of America’s leading industries. While I’d rather not upset the cash flow in these turbulent economic times, I truly think it’s time the USA reforms its policies on drinking before/while driving. Especially since…umm many innocent people die! Not to mention our fear of drunk driving has created one of the most horrid institutions of self-sacrifice: the designated driver. Seriously, no one should ever have to suffer that fate.

But in Japan, there is someone willing to sacrifice their Friday night to be your DD. Say hello to Daiko (代行) the uber cool taxi service where two drivers show up to your saucy location and drive to wherever your dumb ass has left your car. While one driver remains in the taxi, the other exits the vehicle, takes your keys and DRIVES YOUR CAR HOME FOR YOU!

I was fortunate enough to experience the Daiko magic in the little town of Misawa which just happens to support a thirsty American air force base. Apparently, according to a friend, the Japanese government subsidizes this program thus resulting in the Daiko only costing $10. Talk about a bargain, a.) transport for 4 to our car b.) Designated driving to the apartment. Can’t beat it! The only drawback is that the experience was so earth shattering that is sobered me up.

So a friend and I got to talking and we discussed our “anti-drunk driving policy” for the NEW AMERICA! I think you’ll like it, and if you don’t, well then you’re just a dumb asshole.

1.)ZERO TOLERANCE: Just like Japan, America needs to adopt a system whereby if your blood alcohol registers ANYTHING above 0, you are driving while impaired/intoxicated. If you want to take the risk, then you should be prepared to be busted up, at least financially! : ) I’ve honestly felt this way for quite some time, and I recall one idiot arguing, “well you have to realize that we rely on our cars.” AND YOUR POINT? Stay at home and drink then. Look partying or even a casual drink is a WONDERFUL thing, but it’s still a privilege. If you want to enjoy it, then do it responsibly.

2.)INCREASED FINES: I’m not sure how I ultimately feel about increased “sin taxes” on alcohol, but why not up the fines for drunk driving. Look, save your pity, these people broke the law and put lives in jeopardy, so let them pay through the roof. Sure, I may have “crossed the line” before, but do you see me in handcuffs? Nope. Plus with the 0 tolerance plan in affect, I doubt as many people will dare to take the risk. I for one would not dare risk it. Plus the increased fines could also be used towards providing more adequate public transportation.


3.) DAIKO: Do I need to say more? But to make this happen the government needs to step in and strangle the insurance companies to easily allow for the Daiko drivers to man your vehicle. The name for this service must be called Daiko as an homage to the Japanese who use it and rock it so well. Also, if possible it would be a smooth move to use any left over alcohol tax or drunk driving fines to subsidize the service so that:
a.) It’s affordable
b.) Creates jobs
c.) Eliminates the need to tip. Get rid of that selfishness like NOW!

4.) BREATHALYZER: Every business that sells or serves alcohol, even grocery stores, must have on the premises a working breathalyzer with free use to the public. If possible, have a non-profit company or a government agency manufacture the breathalyzers. What does that equal: JOBS! And please spare me the, “who’s going to pay for it?” Umm, the place selling the alcohol. Look if they can’t afford a breathalyzer then they don’t need to be selling something as fun as a few drinks. If this is a real problem, then I guess we could lower the bar license a tad. I’m open for compromise, permitting it makes sense.

5.) BAR CALLS: Every bar/restaurant serving alcohol must either have a free public phone w/ a directory of all taxi and Daiko services or be willing to call one for you. I’m sure most bars already do this, but we need to make it more readily available, especially for the timid drunks at heart.

6.) EMBRACE ALCOHOL: Make it legal EVERYWHERE in the US to publicly walk around while drinking or intoxicated. But if you still brown-bag your 40, then the police are obligated to high-five you. Put your ill-guided beliefs aside, this is a great idea. First of all it will be easier to spot who shouldn’t be driving, but also it will provide so much free entertainment. Remember, alcohol is not the problem; it’s the losers who hinder the safety of others while under its influence. Perhaps we should even lower the drinking age to 20 or 19. Maybe lower it each year that drunk driving statistics drop considerably. It would be great to see America with the legal drinking age at 5 years old, but handling it responsibly.

So America, or the 8 people who read this, what do you think of this drunken yet sobering plan of action?

CRAVAK IN 2016!

Better Never than Late

It’s November 10th; Happy Halloween! At least, that’s what I said all day as I was ‘loaned’ to the Wakaba Nursery School to take part in their Halloween celebration. An eventful day? Nah…not really. An interesting day? Yes!

It’s 11:37am, and I’m five minutes early to ride for the very first time the Japanese metro bus. I’m stoked! My supervisor thought it was a good idea for me to get my public transportation feet wet. Instead they drowned. To clarify, at 11:42am, the precise time I am to board my precious vessel, I realize that I’m at the wrong stop. I need to be across the street. But, I don’t notice this until my bus drives past me.

Though as luck would have it, there is a bus following the same route at 11:49am. I know this only because all of the Kanji written for the 11:42am bus are the same for this time. Also, it helps when your supervisor makes you giant flash cards with the names of all the necessary stops. I just pull a simple “Sumimasen (excuse me)” out of my pocket, point to the card, and see whether or not the lovely Japanese person decides to shake their head in approval, or just stand there gazing into the abyss of my eyes.

Well I got on this bus. But, this bus decides to pull an ‘American’ move and shows up five minutes late. ‘I don't think I’m going to make my connecting bus’ is jumping around my head like a crack baby in a bounce house. I look to my professionally prepared ‘Bus Survivor Guide’ packet, of course prepared by my supervisor. I must say it was a nice gesture. I think I’ve found a 12:14pm bus to take, and seeing as it’s a 10 minute ride and I need to promptly arrive at 12:30pm….I am GOOD TO GO!

Riding the bus is not too bad actually. If you are ever rockin’ the bus tour in Japan, be sure to board from the middle, and promptly grab your little ticket. Then find a seat, but if you sit in a different colored seat, you will be provided with complimentary dirty looks. I kind of knew I was sitting in ‘Priority Seating’ for the nearly dead, handicap, pregnant, and nursing mothers, but I didn’t see anybody coming, and I wasn’t absolutely sure. But when I finally found an open seat, of course I’m even more embarrassed to see that the nature of this ‘special’ seating is written in English too. Oh well, ‘gomenosai (sorry)?’

I sort of hear my bus stop called and I press that magic button. I rarely rode the bus in America, but I do like how EVERYONE receives their own special stop indicator. When ready to get off, you take your ticket and dump it along with the correct change into the vaginal slot of the bus adjacent to the driver. Thinking the driver doesn’t ‘trust’ me, I show him the ticket to ensure I’m paying the right amount.

The stop I need to move to is across the street, so I trek up the pedestrian overpass bridge and make myself noticed at the stop. I’m quite confident that this 12:15pm bus will get me to Wakaba, but I decided to ask two old biddies to make sure. But I have to wait a few minutes because this 60+ year olds are practicing their dance moves dangerously close to the street. When they take a break, I do my trick, but this time they don’t nod in agreement. Instead, they sort of murmur back and forth looking at the various times and descriptions to the scrutiny as if we were at an art gallery. After I ask a clarifying questions, it’s decided, the next bus that I need won’t be cruising through until 12:30pm. Damn!

But once again, due to the obsessively organized nature of my said boss, I got maps! I know the route, it’s 12:03pm and it shouldn’t be more than a 15 minute down this major street. But boy was I wrong. Not only were my feet ‘wet,’ but my entire back was drenched in sweat as I ‘came prepared’ and wore a heavy winter jacket on what turned to be a nice day. Having a heavy back pack doesn’t aide the process either.

But we got a problem folks. It’s 12:36pm, and I’m still not there. I actually don’t end up rolling until about 12:45pm. Being late is not in my portfolio. I’m so embarrassed, and you know you’re late when they are standing at the entrance waiting you're your foreign ass. I do my trademark greeting about 5 times before I am moved to what is referred to as ‘my room.’ My room? Yes, it’s too late the power has seeped to my head. I feel like a little celebrity, kind of like a visiting author. And judging from the progress of my childrens’ writing, that reality may soon materialize.

Though my itinerary reads ‘meeting’ at 12:50pm, this ‘meeting’ is more of the Japanese Teacher of English, my guide/host/interpreter running back and forth from the room to the gym.

For a hospital school that specializes in educating sick children, 28 children, they spared no expense when it came to the costumes. I brought my trump card in my Kappa costume. A Kappa is an ancient Japanese water demon. But the costume is a toe to head fully green spandex body suit. Like those Winnie the pooh from your childhood, but this is tight spandex and one size may fit all Japanese, but me it does not. I’ve rocked the costume a few times, and I think as it began to rip down my chest, it was trying to say “give it up.” But I couldn’t. It’s the only costume I had, and I’m in this cubby hole of a locker room with Mickey Mouse from Fantasia and some creepy lion.

I try to walk into the gym to join the party, but I’m quickly shoved back into my ‘room.’ Apparently, I am to receive a grand entrance. Now I know I’m a star in the making, but I’d like to think it has nothing to do with my skin color and where I’m from. But today, that’s all that matters. You have no clue how ‘in demand’ Americans are to ‘guest spot’ Halloween parties. Honestly though all we do is just stand around and smile.

So the curtain…yes they installed a curtain is opened and into the gym I strut. I just kind of stand there for a minute providing a pathetic round of waves. I’m quite impressed with the costumes. We’ve got a lion with a golden mask, Darth Vader, an orange ghost, a girl with cardboard over her face, and just a plethora of shit I don’t understand, but it does look neat!

Keep in mind that I have NO CLUE what I’m supposed to do. Luckily I’m a prepared bastard and brought visuals, a cd of music, a powerpoint presentation, and some ideas for games. I’m shocked that everything I had asked for it setup and ready to go, namely a projector and a cd player. The Japanese are freaks about details and it shows. Now if I could only understand their language.

Apparently I was supposed to prepare a 30 minute introducton and when my slideshow ends after 5 minutes the JTE says, “that’s it?” So luckily, I’m an ace at filling in the cracks. We just extend the Q&A session (damn do sick kids have a lot of questions, and honestly good ones at that), and a show and tell of popular American Halloween costumes.

The pressure is off as I realize my duties are now lessoning. Another hour goes by with games, odd quizzes. Apparently, according to the Japanese the Irish used to carve into a vegetable that appears to only grow in Japan before they used pumpkins. I tried to explain that it was a potato, but it was useless. I know I’m write because of youtube and wikipedia. Hell yes!

Then it’s time to trick or treat. I’ve done this a couple of times already at my various Halloween Party visits, and I crack up every time. Trick or Treating is all about innocent fun. Gallivanting about the neighborhood and being surprised at what wonderful treats you can acquire. Not at the Japanese party though. It’s too damn organized. Basically, you and a few other adults stand in strategically placed points in the room with their bag of candy. Then the students need to stand in a line, and one by one they approach and must say their name, a favorite of theirs, ‘trick or treat,’ and thank you. They actually had the students rehearse this. Oh well.

But then there’s the grand finale. “Memory making,” at least that's what they called it. After about 30 takes from 5 angles, and 8 different poses, the cameras have captured the memories and I’m done!

Luckily, I tell my host how I must catch a quickly arriving bus and I am spared coffee time with the Principal. I’m thanked way too many times as I’m walked to the entrance. I put my outdoor shoes, and the entire staff bows to me, and I’m out of there.

It’s a shame I had to be in such a pissy mood. It was a wonderful little school, and I give it up to them, they have a tough task ahead. It tore me up to see some of the kids leave the party only to return to their hospital bed as two nurses attended to them. The kids were adorable! They were just so innocent and happy to learn whatever they could get their hands on. A pure treat!

But this Halloween, so of course there’s a trick yet to come. It’s bus time folks!

Talking to the locals I actually get on the right bus. Now I must say, the flashcards: PURE GENIUS! Because, my dumb ass thought I had a lot of time and accidentally doze off for a minute when a polite good samaritan said “Tsutami Bashi,” the name of my stop. I shook my head and he said in decent English, “next stop.” I thanked him thoroughly and was able to get off in time. I love that man! Then I exited the bus and I thought, how did he know that was my stop? Then I looked down and saw the flashcard in both English and Kanji. Fun!

It was smooth sailing as I walked across the bridge to the next stop. The bus arrived a few minutes late but all was good. Until I realize this bus is not going in the direction my map shows. Shit! But I stay on board longer for needed as there is a HOTTIE a few rows back. Normally I would say a “goddess,” but this is not a woman I’d marry. Instead, she’s the type I would prefer to sleep with every night for the rest of my life. She exits the bus sporting her shorty shorts and long pale but ripe Japanese legs and there’s a puddle on the floor. It’s my body having melted from gawking at her. But perhaps she was a gift from above, as the bus starts to turn, and we’re headed back towards home! Sure, it’s not all good news, and I still have a 30 minute walk to endure, but oh well.

I arrive home angry, but sadly there’s no one to blame but myself. It’s not like I was dragged here. I chose to be a guest of Japan, and I couldn’t ask for a better host. But maybe I should learn a few more kanji characters if I’m ever going to try that bus thing again. To close this up, it gives me great pleasure to say, “Happy Halloween!”

A Day in the Life

Monday, October 27th

5:00am – My keitai (cell phone) begins the day with its annoying alarm. This barrage of electronic noise continues for two hours.

7:00am – Physically out of bed, I crawl to my computer to see if the Bills defeated the Dolphins, which they did not. So much for BILLieving. I skip to the refrigerator to grab my prepared snacks for the noontime feast. I also assemble my workout gear in a separate bag.

7:15am – While staring at myself I cut fragments of hair off of my face. I am later voluntarily attacked by soap and water.

7:35am – I hurry to cover my frigid skin with gray slacks, a purple dress shirt, and matching gray tie and socks. After I plop some temporary glue on top of my head; I’m ready to roll. I throw a jacket on to keep the chilly 50° F air at bay. It’s going to take awhile before I transition from sunny Florida to seasonally ice cold Aomori.

7:40am – While Aomori Koko (High School) is literally less than 100 feet away, I walk over to my storage shed to retrieve my jitensha (bicycle) for a fun commute. I park it under the protective roof and strut into the “adults only” entrance.

7:45am – Strategically I remove my outdoor shoes on the lower level while only stepping with my socks on the above ‘indoor’ floor. I exchange the outdoor for the indoor shoes in my very own shoe locker, then I walk over to a Periodic Table looking contraption and flip my name from white to red signaling that my a$$ be in the building.

7:48am – Walking up to the third floor, I utter an incoherent round of “Ohayo gozaimasu” (Good morning) to students and colleagues. My contracted time is from 7:55am to 3:40pm. Typically though, I like to be at my desk by 7:45am and try to stick around on campus in some shape or form until at least 5pm.

7:50am – Arriving at the office, I perform my daily start-up tasks. I turn on the desktop computer, place my edibles in the office refrigerator, make some semi-disgusting tea, and write today’s to-do list.
10/26 To Do List:
o Katakana / Hiragana Online Quiz
o Katakana / Hiragana Writing Handout
o Study Japanese
o Grade Class #1-4 “Who I Want to Marry” homework
o Request nenku (vacation days) for winter break trip to Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore
o Publish 1 blog
o Mail Call (having my supervisor translate my mail)

7:57am – I see the English department head by the coffee machine. This is seriously the best place to find someone! I confront him on how I think it’s a good idea to skip today’s lesson since his class would end up being two weeks ahead of the others. He agrees! I’m now off for the entire day. I literally have ZERO assigned tasks.

8:00am - Staff meeting. We all march professionally into the special meeting room. There all assigned seats, and a strict order to follow. I work on my katakana / hiragana writing sheet while everyone makes announcements in Japanese. Occasionally I glance up and smile.

8:15am - I grade my katakana / hiragana writing practice sheet…I did not do such a hot job today. I continue on to my daily dose of an online quiz where you must match the katakana or hiragana characters to their appropriate English syllables. Once again, no records were set today. I begin my breakfast consisting of water, tea, Ritz crackers, and an apple.

8:45am – I thank a teacher for the little pastry omiyage from Miyagi prefecture. She went there over the weekend for a school related business trip. I also begin my daily obsessive periodic checks of hotmail, facebook, blogger, and myspace. I continue to surf the net. My supervisor and I also confirm my nenku (vacation days) for winter break, and we do a little “mail call,” where my he translates my mail for me.

9:51am – I grade all 36 Class #1-4 “Who I Want to Marry” worksheets. I then type up the best excerpts to publish for a blog.

11:00am - The MacBook Pro makes its debut and the headphones find themselves on my ears. I repeatedly listen to a favorite track from the Hancock Score. Then I shuffle a play list of ‘emotionally moving’ tracks that include: Paloalto’s ‘Breath In’; Radiohead’s ‘Fake Plastic Trees’; Pete Yorn’s ‘All at Once’, Rachael Yamagata’s ‘Worn Me Down’, and South’s ‘Paint the Silence.’ Looking at unfinished blogs, I decide to post four pictures for the Around the Town blog entry.

11:30am – I research voter trends, statistics and quotes for an upcoming blog entry about voting.

12:00am – I spend more time piecing together this very entry.

12:30pm – I decide to take a break. I packed a lunch for poverty and it’s time to enjoy it. There is no cafeteria for the staff, as we all merrily eat at our desks. I typically chat it up w/ my supervisor as we joke around. Since all of the solicitors arrive during lunch, my supervisor and I partake in a classic rating game for the women who dare enter our office. Other times I use the time to surf the net for wrestling or roller coaster news. We can eat/drink whenever…but our official ‘designated’ time is from 12:25am until 1:05pm. Most teachers bring their lunch, but some order the 500-yen ($5) ‘Obento,’ (boxed lunch) to be delivered. I try to rock the ‘Obento’ scene at least once a week, but you never know what you will be eating. It’s always a random surprise. Hit or miss baby! Today I will be eating what I brought from home: instant miso-ramen, a ham and a cheese sandwich, Ritz crackers, and a package of pizza flavored potato chips.

12:50pm – My supervisor provides me with a kind lecture on how I incorrectly prepared my instant miso-ramen. He then randomly hands me a banana. I jokingly proceed to dip the banana in the ramen by saying “Banana Ramen.” His face swelled shut in shock, and then quickly changed to laughter signaling his relief that I was joking. We then discuss the itinerary for my upcoming visit to a local hospital to teach sick children all about Halloween, which strangely occurs two weeks after Halloween. Oh well.

1:30pm - The remainder of the lunch period is filled with casual bites, extensive research into amusement park project developments for Dubailand, the WWE ‘Cyber Sunday,’ and Facebook. I must say, there is no such thing as a “cliché” joke in Japan, so I can get away more with a lot less. For most of the English teachers, they are hearing these doozies for the first time. Today I asked a co-worker how her school-related trip to Miyagi prefecture went, and she made mention of how her and our department head met up with his daughter in the bustling metropolis of Sendai. She hinted that she was cute and looked nothing like him. Then I said, “Maybe she’s adopted,” a classic over-used line in America, but here…OMG…my supervisor barely made it out the door struggling to hold back an onslaught of giggles.

2:15pm – Lunch is in my belly and I head to the second floor to unload the goods at the “Staff’s Toilet for Gents.”

2:25pm – Desert comes in the form of a kit-kat bar and glass #3 of 3 of Coca-Cola. The headphones are back on…and we’re gonna try to produce some blogs to save for future days when I can’t get to it. We’ll see what happens.

2:43pm – Damn I’m still editing this blog. Ohhh snap. I’ve completed everything on my to-do list except for “Study Japanese” which I never do get to. My eyes are beginning to shut. It’s time to stretch, I chug the coke, and change up the music. Can’t go wrong with a mirage of Faithless – Insomnia remixes.

2:48pm – The Obento deliveryman walks into the office to retrieve the boxes, and you can tell I’m tired because I neglect to react quickly enough to play his patented theme song. My co-workers looked over in anticipation, but I’m afraid I disappointed them.

2:50pm – To end this state of gripping tiredness…I pull out the trump card. ‘Transylvania,’ the opening track from the Van Helsing score. The only drawback is now I feel like leaping into battle and stealing someone’s life with the brute force of my fist and maybe a knife or two. We’ll see what transpires.

3:10pm – As I’m angrily plowing away at my “To Vote” blog post, three innocent girls humbly approach me to grade their crossword puzzles. Last week I started a “Cravak Sensei Presents ‘Fun With English’” bulletin board in the main entrance. It now features the holiday Halloween and inside a hanging pumpkin are Halloween Vocabulary crossword puzzles. Any student who completes it and brings it to me in the office gets a free piece of candy. While only 6 students have done so, I’m satisfied and it does save me time from running to the store to restock.

3:14pm – The cleaners arrive. Every day after school, students and teachers are assigned to different parts of the school for sanitary purposes. While the school employs three janitors, their primarily goals include lawn care, toiletries, supply stocking, and opening/locking the school. The cleanliness of the classrooms, and hallways though are the complete responsibility of the students and staff. The vacuum cleaner is making its way towards me, and with all that sugar swimming in my mouth; it’s time for a cleaning. M coworkers and I freely brush our teeth in the office sink. I thoroughly enjoy the gurgling and harsh spitting sound effects.

3:20pm – I go downstairs for an encore performance in the “toiret,” and to change into my workout clothes. The school conveniently has a staff changing room. Each staff member receives their own generously sized locker, mine being the biggest. Ya damn right! What about locks? Forget about it, if you can’t trust a Japanese teacher, whom can you trust?

3:32pm – I emerge back in the office to add to this blog and to make sure I’m “seen” in the office until 3:40pm. While the powers that be don’t care what I do, I want to be set the standard for Americans in Japan. So far, so good!

4:20pm – I finally make it out the to the Karate gym but apparently practice is cancelled as I don’t see anyone. Regardless, I decide to go for a 2K run and finish off with some stretching, sit-ups, pushups (10 of them, I’m a machine!), and weight lifting. I felt the burn, and I love it.

5:15pm – I return home to change and rock some laundry. I don’t do Karate on Tuesdays for I have Spanish class, so it’s a prime opportunity to wash the clothes.

5:30pm – Time play cook. This evening’s fare consists of scrambled eggs n cheese, toast, baked beans and a Reese’s peanut butter cup thanks to Mom and Dad. I’ll wash down the goodness with water and afternoon tea. I spend the rest of the time goofing around on the Internet while listening to The Album Leaf. They’re a stellar dream pop / post-rock band.

6:26pm – The laundry is ready to be hung. It’s too cold outside and I’m afraid of spiders getting in my clothes, so I’ve devoted the spare room for the sole purpose of hanging up the fabrics.

7:12pm – I finally make it out the door for my shopping stint. I’ve decided that I must acquire a shamisen (Japanese banjo), a desk, and Christmas or any other assorted ‘cool’ light. A 15-minute jitensha ride later and I arrive at Hard-Off for what proves to be a fun shopping adventure. The agenda went out the window as I pick up a Salacious B. Crumb Star Wars Bean Bag toy for just 84 cents to join my giant toy soldier on my work desktop computer. I add in an Anpanman lunchbox with wheels and a handle for just 105 yen. Apanman is an extremely popular Japanese cartoon character that has a deliciously edible head that gets eaten and re-baked. I would have taken some photos but I’ve officially lost my camera. But that piece of crap went obsolete before it was made. This is good news, as it will force me to finally purchase a Canon Powershot G9 that I’ve had my eye on. While at the Hard Off I find a desk I want, but I’m going to have to make a call tomorrow to see if a friend can drive it to my apartment before I purchase it. There’s no shamisen or Christmas lights. But I do find three lighting alternatives in the form of a cheesy but fun fiber optic light for 800 yen, an eclectic green and yellow polka dot lamp for 300 yen, and a nostalgic wooden tree lamp that I plan on painting red and white.

7:50pm – I take my business to the nearby Dream Town shopping plaza. I need to take advantage of the public restrooms. But where will I leave all of my purchases? In my bike basket of course. Won’t someone steal them? Nope. I have a feeling that Don Quixote (spelling?); a previously mentioned Wal-Mart meets Spencer’s Gifts may have some Christmas lights. To my dismay they do not, but that doesn’t stop me from picking up Halloween decorations for tomorrow’s English Speaking Society (an afterschool club that I sponsor) Halloween party, a new journal to be used for “The Book of Feste,” which I will write during November’s National Writing Month, I also throw in a bottle of RockStar. I was shocked to find the energy drink there, as Red Bell seemed to be the only American energy drink to be available. But I guess the invasion of American energy drinks will soon make its way over here.

8:30pm – I decide to stop at Mister Donut to pickup donuts for the Halloween Party tomorrow. Donuts sure at expensive in Japan with single donuts hovering between 105 to 155 yen each, with no deal for a dozen or more. The cashier was either stupid or a condescending bitch as she asked me the donuts were for here or to go. “Yeah hunny, I’m so American I’m going to eat two dozen donuts in one sitting.” Then she proceeds to publicly laugh at and critique my choice of money, apparently I added one too many 100-yen pieces.

9:05pm – Home sweet home. Before I get lost in my computer, I attend to the dishes. I then check the progress of the Halloween Television Special torrents I’m downloading so that I can play some for the kids tomorrow at the after-school party. I end up with Disney’s Halloween Treat, Disney’s Monster Hits, and the Peanuts Halloween special.

9:31pm - I take the burnable garbage in its corresponding blue bag out. In Japan, taking the garbage out means a black or two walk to the nearest garbage dumpsite.

9:38pm – I decide to cave in and I surf the net.

10:15pm – I do a hardcore trim, and shave off most of my beard to leave a faded but “nifty” beard. It’s shower time! Nothing beats just hangin’ around in the hot steam for as long as you like!

10:57pm – Pajama time! I test out the new lights, and they look fairly cool. I then return to the computer to finish this blog. Getting tired I make my way to bed to finish this sucker. I’m exhausted, but I’m determined to finish.

12:40am – I’ve been watching Disney’s Monster Hits Halloween special while I continue to write away. These blogs are a serious time commitment folks, and I imagine reading them isn’t any easier. Well it’s off to publish and I will hopefully doze off to the band the Album Leaf. Dreamland awaits and the cycle begins all over again.