To Vote

“Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.”
- George Jean Nathan (American Journalist, critic, 1882-1958)

This past weekend I made sure to take advantage of suffrage, my civil right to vote, by mailing in my low budget looking black and white print-out ballot. I didn’t even need a #2 pencil to circle in my vote, hell even my 4th grade spelling tests had more requirements than the federal absentee ballot. I voted for Barack Obama and some democratic lady running for something I don’t remember. Sure I didn’t exactly research the candidates, but who cares. I voted; therefore I count as an American. I may be critical of the two-party system, but at least seeing a (D) next to someone’s name tells me I’m voting for the lesser of two evils.

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If you haven’t yet already sent in your ballot or don’t plan too…you are not only a lazy a$$hole, but also the epitome of an imbesol. Ignorance cannot be used in this instance, as anyone breathing for more than 5 minutes should understand the importance of casting his/her/its vote. Sure there is an aisle full of excuses to yank off the shelves, but maybe you’re forgetting something. Our country, The United States of America, is EVERYWHERE! We’re not quiet about it either, as we love touting the promise of freedom through democracy. How in the world (literally) can we be persuasive, when just over half of our registered voters take part in the presidential erection (election)? According to my pathetically researched sources, Australia is the champion of voter turnout with 96%, however must realize that they institute a compulsory voting system, whereby you will be punished for not voting. HINT HINT! In America, you’re rewarded for not voting by getting more time to watch ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ reruns. Not bad huh. But in regards to major countries, the US lurks near the bottom with 56.2% recorded in 2004, whereas Japan was at 68% in 2005.

Consequently, I urge you to vote. I don’t care if it’s for Elmo, the communist party, or even McCain, but try to prove to the world that Americans are actively involved in the process and eager to rid the world of George W. Bush. You have the right to choose whomever you please, and I for one am not about to challenge that right. Remember, the world is not keen on Mr. W, but they are letting Americans use the “get out of jail free card.” Sadly, failure to prove our involvement or elect their fan-favorite Mr. Obama will cause a rippling effect.

Honestly, all I’m trying to do is to abdicate the ability that you possess. There’s no pressure (well…maybe a little), but please try your best to go out and show that you matter. You go, you independent action taker you! Ganbatte (go for it)!!!

“To vote or to vote, that is the answer!”

AROUND THE TOWN: Session A

AROUND THE TOWN:

In this series, I will be merely posting pics from in and around my humble city of Aomori. yEp

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On Top of the World

or Mt. Hakkado in Aomori.

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Rectangular Water

This be a local stream of H20. Very nice!

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Random

The view from crossing a bridge near my apartment.

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Office View

This is what I see when I turn around from my desk at school.

SHOW & TELL: Who I Want to Marry Vol. 2

WHO I WANT TO MARRY VOLUME 2
For homework my students had to write body paragraphs explaining why they wanted to marry a person of their choice. The following are excerpts presented exactly as they were written.

Yakihi:
“I like beautiful things. And she is rich. I want money. And she is thin. I like thin woman.”

A Nihongo Teacher
“He was naughty in the cradle. But now he is gentleman very much.”

Snoopy:
“He can speak well.”

Mary Antwanet (Marie Antoinette):
“So, she said, “If there is no blead. You may eat cake.” This word is very famous. And I hear about her looks very beautiful. She has a golden hair, a long hair, a sharp nose, a small mouth, and so on. But, she had a two bad points. One, she has a fiancé. He is Rui 16. Rui is a king. So I can’t won him. One other, she have already died. I can’t meet her.”

Wada Akiko:
“In fact, she looks stylish, beautiful, I can find her in people as soon as. That is good point for me.”

Pooh:
“He likes honey. So he is cool.”

Takeru Sato:
“I like cats. I love cats. So I have felt close to him. Around the world, people that cat like is not bad. I like cats and Sato.”

Windows Vista:
“ It’s able to do many things, for example, to prepare the comprehensible tables, to make sentences, to draw with clear lines and colors, to sing and play my favorite songs, to help to make things, and so on. It’s getting to be able to do more and more things.”

Setouti Jacucho:
“I want to marry Setouti Jacutyou because she has no hair. I don’t like long hair. When I watched her on TV, I found that she has no hair. Because I love her.”

My dog, Panta!:
“When I am depressed, he comes to me and licks my face. I’m encouraged very much. Panta always of a cheerful disposition. So he has a lot of friends. Everyday, his friend come to my house to see him. He wagged his tail and play together. I love such him. But! He is a dog. Therefore of course I can’t marry him!”

SHOW & TELL: Who I Want to Marry Vol. 1

Welcome to “Show & Tell” a new segment where I present intriguing, intelligent, or just odd work from students. You may chuckle over their confusing usage of English mechanics and grammar, but keep in mind that these students never speak English, and have learned primarily through a boring workbook. While I do encourage you to get a good laugh, just try to realize that in terms of their thought process and structure, these students are quite creative and on their way to producing brilliant English compositions.

WHO I WANT TO MARRY VOLUME 1
For homework my students had to write body paragraphs explaining why they wanted to marry a person of their choice. The following are excerpts presented exactly as they were written.

Pikachu:
“He is not only pretty, but also strong. He can use electricity.”

Hilary Rodham Clinton:
"I feel activity as her politician great. When I travel with her, I can do a trip without minding a price because she will pay all money. If I marry her, I maybe aimed at my life, and I always care about her. However, she has charm to attract me, it will remove my worry. She will love me like a grandchild. So I want to marry!"

Utada Hikaru by a stereotypical dominating Japanese male:
“I watched her PV. On the P.V, she washed the dishes. I felt she is very family-oriented woman. I like such a woman. In the future, I want my wife to wait me comming home. If I marry to such a woman, she will relax me. She is the type of woman I like.”

Ichiro Suzuki by a stereotypical submissive Japanese woman:
“He is older than I, but no problem. I like him”

Wada Akiko (honest & funny):
“It is known that she is a heavy drinker. There`s nothing we can do when she drinks a lot. And she is very tall for her age. She is in good health. And after all, she does not mince matters her words.”

Takahashi Daisuke (charming):
“He wants to be world champion. So he practices very hard everyday. For that reason he usually lives in foreign country. When he is not in Japan, I may feel lonely. But I can watch him on TV.”

Yosuke Eguchi by a stereotypical catty woman:
“He is manly. My heart thrill to him. But he have a wife and two children! He has already married long time ago. But I undaunted. I will deprive his wife of him.”

PS – I LOVE MY STUDENTS!

I've Created a Monster

“It’s Alive” – Dr. Frankenstein

My humor has apparently been rubbing off as the other day my supervisor dropped some wonderful joke bombs.

The coffee machine was once again acting up when a colleague was having difficulty obtaining his precious caffeine-enriched liquid. My supervisor turned to me with a serious deposition saying “That is not coffee maker,” pausing and then adding, “It is trouble maker.” Hilarious! I literally dropped to the floor laughing.

He struck later on during lunch, while I was furiously attempting to wipe chalk marks off my suit, saying, “When you wear black...(pause)...you must write with black chalk.”

You must put into perspective that these corny/witty lines are originating from an older father of two who is by far Office Depot's customer of the year. No one is more professionally organized than this chap. I love working with him, and I’m glad that my 'craziness' has been inspiring.

I’ve also been able to take my trademark sayings and teach them as if they are common American expressions. To clarify, over 600 students in one of the most highly praised academic high schools in northern Japan were writing and saying “it’s a party in my mouth” when describing their favorite food. YES!

Then for the school excursion to Mt. Iwaki…I decided to bring a little craziness to the affair by adorning my Daniel Boone-esque skunk hat. While, I received the expected scattering of shocked glances and a plethora of giggles, I had no clue that it would become a conversational piece within the community. When I went to my Spanish class, which is held at a local mall’s community center, my instructor inquired about my mysterious skunk hat. How the hell did she know? Well apparently, the students were so awestruck that they ran around town spreading the good word. And I thought Buffalo lacked excitement.

APOLOGIES

Hey there,
Gomenasai (I`m sorry), for not posting anything lately. I`ve got the stuff, it just requires a writer`s touch, eventually I`ll get around to it. Lately, I`ve been pretending to be an athlete, downloading thousands of songs, researching Japanese mythology, writing vast pages in my `Muppets` journal on new characters and how I would revitalize the brand, and balancing all things in life all while methodically planning my eventual rise to fame. It`ll happen...remember the turtle wins the race!

yEp
Crave

"I do my reading in the pages of life"

Englishanese: Round 9

HARD OFF

No my friends, `Hard Off` is not the title of an adult-friendly film...instead it`s the moniker for our neighborhood used goods store. Instead of non-profit entities like the Salvation Army handling the selling of other people`s crap...the Japanese have made it a profitable business. `Hard Off` is a massive store complete with computers, video games, music, clothes, games, furniture, and...diapers. Thankfully after de-frosting from the shock I was assured that they were brand new. But I`m still having difficulty figuring out how diapers come into play. "Hey hunny, this couch looks good, wait I think Junior may want to take a dump later, let`s pickup some diapers." Regardless, Hard Off is a fun adventure for anyone looking for peculiar items. And unlike American thrift stores, you won`t leave the store craving a shower. But in Japan these places are quite pricey. Well...on to the pictures!

A `Japafied` Elmo

Tickling is not permitted.

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Go back to America

This pathetic independent film shot in Buffalo actually made its way overseas and carries a $30 USD price tag. Apparently, this movie is well known over here as one of my co-workers mentioned having seen it after hearing I was from Buffalo. Lord help us.

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Let`s Beer Great

Yours truly guest-spotting this Englishanese segment as I hold a product called "Let`sBeerGreat." I can`t make this stuff up, but I can sure as hell purchase it!

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Are you serious?

Apparently the Japanese are Yahoo Serious. But I guess this guy deserves a lot of credit, he did launch a multi-billion dollar search engine site. So maybe that was lame. :)

Advanced Gift Giving

In Japan, omiyage (souvenirs) are a big deal. When you take a vacation, it is customary to bring back a gift to your co-workers who ‘held down the fort’ while you were away. Typically, this ‘gift’ should be given to everyone in your office. Now I’m in an office of 30 people, but there’s no need to worry as traditional omiyage typically consists of a small edible treat. The Japanese are practical people. They don’t care to inherit hoards of useless $hit like books of fifty thousand postcards, or a 73rd anniversary commemorative pin. Instead, they prefer to eat their presents. Consequently, you’ll rarely find magnets and shot glasses in gift shops. But you will see boxes of treats and sweets elegantly displayed in front of a dangerous looking woman armed with a vast array of gift wrap weaponry eager to beautifully cover your gracious offerings.

While, I’ve only been rockin’ the work scene for less than two months I have already tasted sweet-flavored mangos from the Philippines, a granola bar from Germany, and countless other morsels of fun from all over Japan. But today’s omiyage just went too far.

While pretending to be working hard at my desk, a sensei (teacher) cordially presented me with a ‘manju,’ a sweet little pastry in the shape of a Japanese maple-leaf. He then uttered his well-prepared English saying, “Hiroshima…very famous.” While I was thankful for his generosity, I thought to myself, “he’s been working all week so when the hell did this guy go to Hiroshima?” But when my supervisor turned to me and said, “The souvenir has already arrived,” it all made sense. So get this kiddies…ni-nensei (11th graders) are going on a school trip next week to Kyoto and Hiroshima. So instead of picking out luscious treats to bring back, they simplied order their omiyage in advance. Sure I enjoy the thought, but what the hell is the point? Even the others were kidding the ni-nensei teachers saying how they no longer needed to go on the trip. So now I’ve been toying around with the idea of ordering omiyage from Uzbekistan. I’ll just let them figure it out for themselves. But I guess this is just as bad as our made in China ‘I Love NY’ t-shirts.

MAP THIS

Please excuse the crap-factor of these images. I swear they looked delicious when I edited them in Photoshop. Damn you Blogger.com!

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Japan has 47 kens (prefectures), much like America`s 50 states. I live in Aomori, the northernmost ken on Honshu island.

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Map of Aomori. I live in the capitol, Aomori-shi. The yellow is actually water...apparently the whales up here pee a lot.

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Map of Aomori-shi. I live in between two streams and near the train tracks. I actually enjoy hearing the train rushing by.

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One of my favorite places for a leisurely stroll, but be prepared to jump on top of your foes.

Grand Entrance

Over the past few days I have been able to bring `sports entertainment` into the office. Yes, folks we`re talking wrestling-style theme songs here. To clarify my excitement, there are a handful of offices within the school. The main office, where my desk is, houses over 30 teachers, therefore it`s a prime location to target the staff. Since, the teachers work late hours, they rarely have the time to pay a visit to the bank, run to the restaurant, or to their travel agent. Consequently, there are many salespeople, delivery persons, and solicitors who provide `housecalls`and frequent the office on a daily basis. And well, I just felt these foot traveling son of a guns deserved a proper entrance. So...collaborating with my supervisor, mind you this is a 50 year old grown a$$ Japanese man, we`ve been picking a lovely selection of tunes for each person. Thus far, we have launched a pilot program, whereby we are testing out the themes for the Obento (boxed lunch) delivery people. So whenever the `Obento Man` enters and exits, my laptop will suddenly blast a Mariachi style Mexican romp. On the other hand, `Obento Lady,` who is quite the looker, gets a smooth serenading track from the `Great Expectations` soundtrack. Thus far, they appear to be unaware of the generous theatrics I am providing for them in their honor. However, the sensei (teachers) have caught on, and now they immediately project an anticipatory grin towards me whenever someone enters the office. It　has been a fun project, and I can`t wait to see what we can do next!

In closing, the other day my supervisor turned to me and sincerely said, `You are crazy, and now everyone is getting crazy...thank you!` I am proud that I`ve been able to take my simple but zany approach to fun and apply it to the rigid Japanese working environment. Cheers!